


Drowning

by plurpsderps



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Alternate Ending, Angst, Broken Families, Cold, Dark, F/F, Forgiveness, Healing, Home, Plot, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:13:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25055989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plurpsderps/pseuds/plurpsderps
Summary: Ellie finished what Joel started. Saving her life all those years ago from the Fireflies, Joel unwittingly activated a series of events that would take Ellie down a path of darkness, killing, and violence - ending at Santa Barbara where she has her final confrontation with her foster dad's killer: Abby. In a gruesome effort, Ellie succeeded in completing her mission, fulfilling the promise she made to Tommy before she left her family and home in Jackson to exact vengeance to the one who took everything.A work exploring the events that would happen if Ellie did kill Abby.Rated mature for graphic violence, swearing, and an attempt to capture the dark thoughts that PTSD and depression may bring.
Relationships: Dina & Ellie (The Last of Us), Maria/Tommy (The Last of Us)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 24





	1. Mercy

“If you don’t fight me, I’ll kill him.” Ellie threatened, her eyes not leaving the wearied woman as she pressed the knife against the boy’s throat. She wasn’t sure if she had it in her to murder an innocent kid in coldblood, but Abby didn’t know that.

Abby’s tired gaze bore into her as her lips drew together in a tight grimace. The cold water, the escape, and the torture seeped into her bones as she pondered her choices. Finally, feeling defeated, Abby nodded a curt agreement: “Alright...I’ll fight you.”

Without wasting a beat, Ellie launched herself at Abby with a vicious cry, lashing her knife at her with a series of wild, flurried sweeps. Abby hurriedly dodged back trying to avoid the attack but only managed to avoid most of the blows before catching deep cuts on her arms and torso.

Swearing loudly in pain, Abby stepped forward into her attacker and managed to catch Ellie’s wrist with her hand, twisting violently and forcing Ellie to drop the knife into the knee-height water before balling her other hand into a fist and cracking a solid hit onto Ellie’s exposed jaw.

Ellie stumbled back, but before Abby could catch a breath from the assault, the smaller girl was already on her, punching and scratching at the muscular woman and forcing them into the water. Ellie pressed her advantage and held Abby beneath the waves as she quickly threw her head back to bring it above the surface.

Abby struggled and fought to kick Ellie off of her as she desperately held her breath. She bucked her hips, kicked her feet, and struck Ellie’s side as the time she was held downturned from a few seconds to almost a minute. But nothing Abby could do could even briefly cause Ellie to loosen her iron grip on her.

Suddenly, Ellie’s mind, while almost always razor-focused, consumed by a thirst for vengeance for months gone by, switched its attention to a memory - a memory before Ellie embarked on her quest to avenge her best friend’s, her protector’s death.

Joel sat on his porch strumming his guitar. His fingers deftly plucking strings and switching chords as sweet music poured out of the instrument.

He stopped as he spotted Ellie walking up the porch. “Hey there, kiddo.”

He smiled.

Ellie’s grip on the struggling woman loosened for a brief moment. Sensing her opportunity to escape, Abby propelled herself out of the water, swinging wildly to escape her disadvantageous position. Doing whatever she could, Abby saw her opportunity and sunk her teeth into Ellie’s left hand, shaking her head violently to the right and tore her fourth and fifth finger from the first knuckle off in a bloody, grotesque display.

Ellie’s brief moment of distraction faded as she cried out in pain. Her startled cry of pain transformed to a guttural scream as she struck Abby in the face with her injured hand, stunning the girl as Ellie shoved her back into the depths.

Blood pooled to the top of the water alongside bubbles as Abby’s struggle began to weaken. Ellie clenched her teeth together tightly as she summoned the last of her strength to keep her down. After what felt like forever, Abby’s kicks slowed and thrashing faltered, her limbs falling limp as the life eventually drained from her body.

Keeping her muscles clenched in case she was faking it, Ellie eventually let go after she was sure she was dead. Abby’s eyes, bulging and blank, stared back at her.

“Fucking bitch.” She spat as she slowly got up from her prone position, wincing in pain the entire way. Covered in dirt, blood, and grime, Ellie limped away across the shallow water before leaning heavily against the tiny boat that was supposed to take Levy and Abby to a new life. Levy was still unconscious, breathing lightly as the boat rocked gently from side to side; a peaceful juxtaposition from the brutal, animalistic fight that took place mere meters away.

Guilt caught the back of Ellie’s throat as she stared down at the boy. “I’m sorry,” she whispered through tears, “but she deserved it.”

She knew Levy had no future. Injured and alone, his chances of making it to wherever he wanted to escape to was virtually zero. For a moment Ellie entertained the idea of escorting him to his destination herself but quickly dismissed the notion as she realized that to him, she was the enemy. In a fit of rage, Ellie has killed not only Abby, but also the boy Abby was protecting.

Choking back an overwhelming sense of grief and guilt, Ellie couldn’t help but mentally put Levy down as another life she had taken. Another person’s story she cut short. Knowing what she had to do, she solemnly retrieved the knife she dropped a few meters away and steeled herself to finish the story, concluding the cycle of vengeance that brought her so far away from home.

Sinking the knife into the boy’s throat, Ellie could only fight the tears forcing their way out onto her victim as he gurgled and spluttered his lifeblood away. Eyes wide with fear and confusion, his final throes slowed as his limbs stiffened and life left his eyes.

Ellie collapsed on the boat, sobbing uncontrollably as the full weight of her actions condensed and festered, eating away at her will and conscious and threatening to devour her completely.

She cried until she couldn’t cry anymore. A new day gleaned over the horizon as warm sunlight kissed the shores and onto the broken girl, illuminating her figure and drying the blood caked all over her face and body. Ellie averted her gaze from the tiny corpse in front of her, unable to confront her act of mercy.

She sat in silence. The only sound accompanying her was the lapping waves gently meeting the shores. It's monotonous rhythm taunting her, reminding her of the peaceful life she left behind in pursuit of violence and death. After a brief eternity, her gaze wandered to the blade still clenched in her hand, turning it over. “Murderer.” She whispered.

Slowly, and almost by instinct, the knife glided over her severed fingers before resting motionless on her exposed wrist. The veins and arteries teasing against the sharp blade, drawing a drop of blood that rolled down her arm before dripping down onto the wooden board of the vessel. She stared at it and a light chuckle broke through her lips as she bemused at how easily she could do it. The hundreds of lives she had taken to get to this point had certainly given her enough practice to take a life - even hers.

But she knew she couldn’t. She wanted to, that was for certain, but a survival instinct entrenched deep in her mind wouldn’t allow her to drive the point deeper and pull down, to turn the drop into a stream before she faded into quiet darkness. The voice that followed her ever since she had gotten bitten gently removed the sharp edge away from her arm.

For every second, for every day.

“Every second, Riley.” She muttered to herself, wondering if she, if Joel, was listening. “Every day.”

Getting up from her prone position, Ellie knew the trek home would be long, dangerous, and perhaps impossible, but she had to try. She made a promise after all.


	2. The Road Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The road home for Dina and Ellie were both dangerous and filled with challenges.

The trek back to Jackson was lonely. Only the quiet rustling of the leaves in the wind and the disjointed chirping of the birds kept the girl company as she lugged a heavy bag and heart through the rough terrain. To Dina, however, the hardest part of the trail wasn’t the constant fear of ambush from a straggling group of runners and clickers, the barely beaten road requiring constant hacking from her machete, or even the restless baby straddled to her chest, but rather the knowledge that at the end of the day, when she eventually arrives back to Jackson, Ellie wouldn’t be there. 

Ellie wouldn’t be there because she left her. 

Tears bit the back of Dina’s eyes as she cut down another stray branch in front of her. The rogue twig hitting the ground with a soft thump as she stepped over it. 

One part of Dina wants to stay back at the farmhouse, to hold onto any visage of hope that perhaps Ellie would turn back and come home, perhaps giving up on her hate-fueled crusade to return to the warm embrace of a content life. But Dina knew Ellie well enough to know that was never going to happen. Whether she knows it or not, Ellie shares many similarities to her adopted parent: an unwavering commitment to the cause they dedicated themselves to. 

“Stubborn idiot,” Dina said aloud. JJ uttered a quiet protest in the form of grunt at the sudden words penetrating the otherwise still air, and Dina couldn’t help but let a small smile rise up to her lips as she briefly glanced down at her baby. 

“But you’re not a stubborn idiot are you JJ? You won’t be like stupid mommy Ellie who packed up and left.” She playfully purred in a tone that only another mother could replicate. 

JJ smiled up and giggled as if she understood as Dina turned her attention back to the dirt path in front of her. “I think I know exactly what to teach you as you grow older,” Dina mused, “just do whatever Ellie wouldn’t do. Like be smart, or appreciate family, or not being a massive dick to her wife and whatnot.” 

Her tone became harsher and more prickly as her hacks and slashes became more vicious. At one point, her assault on the greeneries chopped off a relatively thick branch with one stroke; the effort so impressive that it would make any experienced traveler give a long whistle in appreciation. 

JJ’s smile disappeared as the toddler sensed a change in the atmosphere. While playful at first, Dina’s tone and attitude shifted as her mind once more landed on the betrayal by her spouse. 

Dina’s mind was so preoccupied with the thought of strangling Ellie that she failed to notice an ominous rustling of the bushes beside her approaching rapidly, accompanied by rabid groans and shouts. 

* * *

The trek home was lonely. Before, Ellie would almost always travel the country with someone beside her such as Joel when they went looking for the Fireflies and Dina when they went looking for the ex-Fireflies. It’s always the damn Fireflies. 

The first step was to avoid the crazed slaver lunatics that complicated her initial journey to Santa Barbara. Ellie treated it like sneaking through packs of infected, seeing as, to her, both groups were absolute nutjobs, but she gave the humans the benefit of doubt and snuck around with the assumption that they had an IQ higher than room temperature. 

A really cold room. 

The first man she came across went down without a hitch. Seeing as in their escape, Ellie and Abby took many down along the way, having one more dead corpse wouldn’t attract too much attention as long as she killed him quietly. She snuck in behind the back door of the convenience store the man was looting, finding herself facing the back of the man before plunging the knife into the side of his throat and covering his mouth with her free hand. 

His hands immediately went up to his throat as he tried to stem the flow, but the damage was already done. Severing a major artery, Ellie watched as blood spurted from the expertly placed incision, painting the dirty floor another hue as he crumpled to the ground. 

Quickly searching through his belongings for anything of use, Ellie wrinkled her nose as she just now noticed the horrible stench coming off him. 

“If you were still alive, I’ll definitely suggest taking a shower.” She grimaced as she backed away from the body. 

Suddenly, Ellie heard a new voice coming from the front of the store. “Elliot are you done searching? Did you find any soap by the way? You really stink.” 

Ellie cursed as she heard footsteps closing in, she must’ve missed the second woman as she was wrapping around the back of the building. She quickly drew her bow out and notched an arrow to the string as a figure came around the corner and into view. 

A young woman, definitely not much older than Ellie, stood shocked at the broken window of the store. Wearing her hair back in a pony-tail, her eyes flicked to Elliot’s body on the ground before landing back on Ellie who was pointing a fully drawn bow to her head. 

“Wait, wait.” She started, her hands raised palm first towards Ellie, “Please we were just trying to survive. Don’t kill me.” 

Ellie’s eyes narrowed as the fingers from her left hand began to ache from holding the body of a tense bow. She noticed the pistol holstered by the girl’s side and the machete in the other. 

“Look I’m from a larger group of -” The girl stopped talking as an arrow shot through her right eye and through the back of her head. Her mouth gaped wide mid-sentence as she fell backward and landed on the ground with a loud thump. 

Silently, Ellie lowered her weapon and stayed still, listening for any more threats around the vicinity. Slowly, she made her way to the dead girl and extracted her weapons, and stored it in her bag. 

She wondered if she was telling the truth. If she was from a group like Jackson where they were only trying to live, foraging for supplies from stores such as this one. Perhaps she was, or perhaps she was just another group of people trying to exploit her trust only to make her their plaything. She wasn’t taking that chance. 

* * *

Dina’s mad dash to safety consisted of a crying baby, screaming fungus zombies, and a growing distaste for the forest. Long since ditching her machete in the skull of a runner, Dina ran through the thick bushes and thin branches, ignoring the sharp pain of the latter whipping across her face and body. JJ, protected from most of nature’s tiny assaults, was still crying, terrified of the sudden acceleration and of the reason for said acceleration. 

Dina knew she wasn’t far from Jackson, just a few more kilometers up ahead and she’ll be at the gates. If she was really lucky, she would bump into a patrol long before that - saving her from being eaten. 

She tripped over a branch.

Instinctively turning around to avoid having JJ crashing face-first into the ground, Dina drew her pistol as she was falling and turned on her chasers. Four runners, all closing fast on her position. Firing off quick shots, she clipped the lead infected in the knee. With a howl, the runner collapsed to the ground before getting up and limping forward with a reckless abandon that only a person already dead could do. 

The rest of the pack continued to lumber forward at a terrifying speed, already closing more than half the distance between them before she fell. Swearing a string of colorful words that she would normally never use in front of her child, she got up to continue the escape. Turning for a brief second, she fired off a couple more wild shots; one shot grazed the shoulder of another infected - not fazing it at all. 

Her steady breaths turned into gasps as she took off in a sprint, her body not able to continue the heavy exertion she was using to keep herself alive. Knowing that stopping would mean a drawn-out painful death, Dina didn’t allow herself to slow down even a little. 

“It’s okay, mommy’s here.” She said between breaths, “Don’t worry, mommy’s got this.” Dina momentarily wondered if those words were really for JJ or if it’s for her because her heart was beating at a rate that felt like it would burst out of her chest at any moment. 

JJ’s cry only became louder as the chase continued. His wails were whipped away by the wind as fast as it came out as Dina ran. Dina wondered if his cries were going to attract even more runners, but it wasn’t something she could exactly worry about right now. 

She was almost there, she felt the forest start to clear a little more and she could hear the waterfall of Jackson just a few hundred more meters ahead of her. The ground was also sloping down, indicating that she should come into view of the county in a couple more minutes. 

But she wasn’t sure if she had those minutes. Even with the burst of adrenaline and a godly desire to protect JJ, she was after all still a living person. And a person could not hold the pace she was setting for long, and the things chasing her didn’t have the same problem. 

Dina felt like the infected were basically breathing down her neck. She could hear the violent clacking of their teeth being slammed together, the ruffling of their clothes as they ran, and the non-stop screaming and groaning as they hunted her. She didn’t dare look back.

She had long since ditched her pack in the first couple minutes of the run, knowing that keeping it would slow her down too much. She had weapons in there and might’ve been able to take them down with them if she could slow them down, but now she’s just left with an empty handgun and no real option but to continue running. 

“Dina?” She heard someone cry in front of her. She looked up frantically, trying to identify the source of the sound. Right ahead of her, a little bit to the right was a group of men on horses holding rifles. 

Tommy saw the oncoming infected and swore loudly. He got his sniper out and pointed at the runners, shooting one down with deadly precision; an impressive shot from the distance he was at. Quickly reloading another bullet into the chamber of the weapon, he tried to take another one down, but the distance and the movement made the first shot a lucky one. 

The rest of the group galloped to Dina as fast as they could. Shouting and waving their hands in the air to try to draw the infected attention away from the tired girl but with no success. 

Another infected fell behind her. A bullet tore through its leg and brought it crashing to the ground, its howl of pain cut off for a moment as its face slammed into the dirt. 

She was almost there, the approaching Jackson patrol was just a few hundred meters away and closing fast. And just as optimism started to encroach her mind, she felt a hand grip tightly, too tightly, onto her shoulder and pulled her down. 

“No!” Tommy shouted as he saw the girl fall. He scoped onto the fungal man pinning Dina and fired, knowing that he was at risk of hitting Dina but not really seeing another option. By a stroke of luck, the bullet hit the infected in the back, piercing through its heart and killing it instantly. “Oh thank god, you’re a lucky girl.” He sighed, shakily lowering his rifle. 

But Dina wasn’t getting up. She tried to support herself on her right arm but fell to the floor. Her struggling figure obviously showed that she was in pain. 

The final infected propelled itself at her, flinging its body at the fetal figure on the ground, waiting to sink its teeth into raw, warm flesh. Its expectations, however, were not met, as instead of a delicious meal, its mouth met hot metal as the patrol arrived and promptly blew its head off. 

Dina was still facing the dirt, hugging her chest as she prepared for the end. 

“You okay?” A voice asked in a concerned tone. The man, Terrence, as Dina remembers scanned her body for any bite or scratch marks. 

“Yeah,” Dina groaned as she flipped over, the baby still crying, strapped to her chest by the harness. She reached over to her shoulder and brought it back to her face to inspect; it came back red. “I’m fine but someone fucking shot me.” 

“Uhh, that would be Tommy.” Terrence observed, scratching his beard as he eyed the man slowly trotting on his horse towards them. “You should still thank him though, he did save your life after all.” 

“Still shot me, that clumsy fuck.”

Terrence laughed. 

* * *

The monotonicity of travel gave Ellie a lot of time to think. At many points of her journey, she wonders if she should return back to Wyoming - if there was anything left there for her. Dina promised that if she left, so would she. She wondered if in the months that have gone by since she had left, if JJ even remembers her: ‘out of sight, out of mind’ right? 

A sudden bout of phantom pain caused Ellie to stop walking for a moment as she gripped the stump of her finger. Abby’s face flashed in front of her, causing her to stop walking as the pain flared. She gritted her teeth as she clenched onto her injured hand, willing the sharp throbbing to dissipate. 

Eventually, the wave subsided as she shook her head to clear her mind. Even still, Abby’s eyes bore holes into the back of her mind, almost as if she was still staring at her, judging her. Even in death, she was haunting Ellie. 

In the brief moment of distraction, Ellie failed to notice a small group of people, all heavily armed with automatic rifles and sharp weapons, appear around the bend and into view. Unfortunately for her, the group did not suffer from the same distraction as Ellie, as their reaction was far more coordinated and faster than her’s. 

“Don’t move,” shouted a dark-skinned man with dreadlocks, his rifle pointed at the lone person still shuffling down the street of the city. “Drop your guns and put your hands where I can see them.” 

The sudden permeation of words shook Ellie out of her daze, and when her eyes flicked up to see two armed strangers, she immediately flung herself behind the nearest piece of cover, which happens to be a rusting, blue sedan parked by a Bed, Bath, and Beyond. 

A shot ricochets off the roof of the car, sending sparks flying down. Ellie flinched as the bullet flew over her, checking the magazine of her pistol, pulling back the slide, and inspecting the chamber. A gleaning, golden sheen revealed itself as Ellie saw the loaded bullet, taking a deep breath, she prepared herself to peek quickly. 

“That was a warning shot, throw your guns where I can see them and we’ll let you live.” 

“Go fuck yourself!” 

One of the armed strangers, a heavyset woman with various tattoos decorating down the side of her arms turned to the lead figure, “We should just shoot her, Joseph. Rattlers are operating ‘round here and we don’t want to be here when they are.” She said with a deep Texan accent. 

“We’re not murderers, Harlene.”

“Yeah, but I’d rather not be murdered either.” 

The conversation was interrupted when a bullet screeched violently as it bounced off the concrete floor beside the trash can Joseph was hiding behind, causing him to swear loudly before recoiling from the shot. 

“Just wait, please!” He shouted desperately, trying to defuse the situation. “Look there’s been a misunderstanding, we’re just trying to figure out where one of our patrols went.” 

Silence filled the air as Joseph glanced around his cover, his eyes narrowing on the spot he last spotted the girl. 

“Their names are Elliot and Jasmine,” He continued, “Elliot’s a bit of a hippie and Jasmine can’t be much older than you.” He nodded at Harlene and pointed towards the car as the burly woman crept up to the sedan, her rifle aimed at where she thinks the girl is hiding. “We’re just wondering if you’ve seen them.” 

Joseph watched with bated breath as Harlene swung herself around the vehicle, taking fast, efficient steps to bring her gun and body around the corner with professional ease, the barrel of the weapon already aimed at where Ellie should be. 

But less than fifty-meters away, Ellie did the exact same thing, creeping through the retail store while Joseph talked before finding herself behind the man. Joseph’s eyes were so fixated on the events transpiring in front of him, that he didn’t notice the sudden cracking of a pistol going off to his side before feeling a heavy impact, like a punch, to his jaw. 

Joseph’s mouth exploded as bone, flesh, and blood erupted in a geyser, sending red all over the concrete and asphalt as he stared in confusion at the young woman standing just a few meters away. Nothing but gurgles escaped what used to be his jaw as he felt his body lose strength and he fell with finality to the ground. 

Harlene, hearing the sudden commotion, spun around to find Joseph slumped to the floor, his eyes not-seeing and his hands slack, his head barely recognizable except for the dreadlock, now scarlet and dripping instead of its original black and smooth. 

“You little bitch!” She screamed as she hip-fired a burst into Ellie’s general direction, causing the other woman to duck down as hot lead sent dust and glass flying everywhere. Ellie poked her head up again and immediately regretted her decision as a stray shot glanced off the window sill and grazed her face, cutting deeply into her right cheek before merrily continuing into the wall behind her. Blood flowed freely down the side of her face as Ellie slowly allowed her eyes to creep up from cover, squinting at her opponent who was now crouched behind the sedan. 

Shrugging her bag off her shoulder and onto the floor, Ellie kept one eye on the car as she rummaged through her pack, pulling out a bottle of clear alcohol and a rag. 

“Damn waste of vodka.” She lamented as she popped the lid off and stuffed the rag into the opening, eyeing the length of the cloth as she completed her molotov cocktail. Taking out a fancy lighter with a lid that opens and closes with a satisfying click, something that Ellie has guiltily been playing with a lot more than she’s willing to admit, she held the flame close to the rag, lighting it aflame, before tossing it over her head and into where she last saw the Texan woman. 

The shattering of the glass, followed by a loud whoosh as the alcohol caught on fire, was joined by unearthly screaming as Ellie unwittingly pitched the makeshift firebomb right onto Harlene’s head, dousing her with the flammable liquid before setting the woman on fire. Skin burned and hair crackled as Harlene ran out of cover, throwing herself onto the ground to try to douse the flame with no success, the alcohol already seeped into her clothing and hair. 

Ellie watched as Harlene burned to death. The gruesome sight danced in front of her eyes as the other woman slowly succumbed to the flames, only falling silent when she tore her vocal cords apart. The smell of burnt flesh filling the air as Harlene fell to her knees and keeled over, her face forever contorted in an endless, anguished scream with eyebrows burnt off and lips blackened - closer to a skull than the head of a living person. 

As Ellie stood up, her face unmoving and still, her mind stayed fixated on the memory of the burning woman and the man without a mouth. But at that moment, she seemed to have forgotten the pain. 

And Abby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to juxtapose the journey between Dina and Ellie on their way home from Jackson. Just to clear up some confusion, the events of Dina happened months before the events of Ellie, but I put them together to hopefully hammer home the differences between the two. 
> 
> Honestly, since I'm really new to this, I've been really struggling to figure out how much and what details I should be putting in, sometimes feeling like I'm not being descriptive enough while other times feeling like I'm being too descriptive. So, same as last time, any feedback would be greatly appreciated <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading my first real attempt of starting a series. I'll try to post often if you guys like it but I'm sure there's so much to improve, so please comment any mistakes/errors you see and let me know if I need improvement in any area of writing. 
> 
> I love the Last of Us and am terribly attached to all the characters (especially our dear Ellie), and I can't bear waiting many more years to see a continuation of her story. So instead, I started writing my own, starting from an alt-ending from the LOU2.


End file.
